Trifling

Recently, I had Big Girl on my bed and was getting her dressed for school. She was being uncooperative and did not want to get dressed. She pulled away for me and in doing so bonked her head against the wall. Not hard enough even to cry, but enough to say "ow."

I had the urge to say, "You see? That's G-d punishing you for not listening or cooperating. If you had just gotten dressed like I told you to, this never would have happened."

But I stopped myself before the words came out of my mouth and while I still had time to think about it.

Growing up with watered down Judaism, it was common place for my mother to say something to the above effect when something appeared tit for tat. If you lost your milk money, it was G-d punishing you for not putting it in your backpack like you were told. If you tripped, it was G-d punishing you for talking back to your mother five minutes before. That if something "bad" happened, (although not "too bad") it was a punishment directly from G-d.

But we didn't believe in G-d really, so what did this phrase mean? It meant we were looking for something/one to pin minor inconveniences on? I don't think so.

Maybe it's easier to discuss it from where I'm standing now. I can't imagine saying such a thing because I believe that Hashem is loving, not wrathful. I would prefer to think of Hashem as a doting grandfather rather than a stern taskmaster. I don't believe that hitting your head is a punishment from G-d because you didn't listen to your mother. I hit my head that's all. And it was pre-ordained from the beginning of time that at such and such a time, I would hit my head. Do I have yiras Hashem? Of course I do, that's a big motivation in my yiddishkeit. My my ahavas Hashem is greater. Were there times in my life that the yira outweighed the ahava? Yes, absolutely. And I can even pin those times on when my life seemed the most desolate. But even in the worst of times, it was ultimately my ahavas Hashem, and my belief that Hashem loved me, one of his creatures, that turned my situation around. I would never such words to my child because I believe Hashem has too much love for us to want to hurt us like that.

There again, I go subscribing human attributes to Hashem. Forgive me, I haven't met Hashem yet "in person" so I just have to describe it that way.

What do you guys have to say? What does Chazal have to say? Any of you grow up with this tit-for-tat attitude about Hashem? Any of you hold this way?